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And the nonmember spouse may just put pressure on the member spouse to spend more time with them. If it is already an issue in your relationship, then it'll amplify to an extreme if you get married. Actually, Mormon families are shrinking, just like those outside the Church, but they will always be larger than families outside Mormondom. Righteous love does conquer all but in some cases it takes a lot longer than we are willing to wait.
But I don't want to put any more demands on his time, which is why I thought maybe asking for quick phone call on his drive home might help. Put your best foot forward; be soft-spoken, courteous, well-mannered, chivalrous, and respectful. My family is pretty awesome in the church. Found this blog just now after searching "married to a surgeon". In any case; I can assure you from your post that he doesn't sound like he's being selfish; the behavior does sound like its residency related and not selfishness related. At what age do you baptize. I wanted so badly to marry a guy who had recently left the church. It is amazing how different values and outlooks, interpersonal relationships can be from family to family.